arilou lalee'lay

had a photo-taking session with a friend with a fancy camera. i'm not used to being in front of the camera for photoshoot-esque type things. okay, that's a lie. i am, but i blush to acknowledge my narcissistic side.

this is my fav pic from the shoot. even though it shows off eyebags, stubnose, meaty arms and no boobs, it looks the most natural.

i have bits of my body i dislike - many, many bits, and on some days more than others. but this has been my body for the last 28 years, and i can't help but grow to like it after so long.

perhaps that means i'm getting old(er). and let me say this - i've had a lot of time to think about getting old(er). my schoolmates are settling down and having kids, my baby sister will be finishing highschool in a year or so, and the little cousin of an old stoner buddy has recently entered "the next generation of ravers". there are also many spring chickens at work who frequently remind me that i'm no longer one myself.

but that's okay. i'm actually enjoying the mental part of aging. i get stuff these days that i never got before - the sort of stuff that makes me go, "aah, now i get what they mean by that." like...

"it's not what you say, but how and why you say it."
such a straightforward concept when you condense it into a neat sentence, but understanding how it applies day to day is tricky. and it all ties in with how you trust people, how confident you are in yourself, how that all affects what you say to someone, what words you use, what words from their vocabulary you borrow to get the message across - the kind of unselfishness and appreciation for others that usually comes with age.

"respect your elders"
i used to think this meant simply obeying people older or more senior than you, and as a result got pointed in many wrong directions. then i decided i knew EVERYTHING, since the seniors couldn't seem to get it right either. and anyway, the idea of respecting your elders doesn't get much merit because you usually hear it from an older person when you argue with them on something they've been wrong about before. looking back now, i think the intention was that everyone should genuinely consider what another person brings to the table. and in the case of an elder person, it's life experience - something a younger inexperienced person is often not aware they lack.

"looks can be deceiving"
you get obvious examples of this from children's tv shows, but there are no smurf riddles or magic beans in real life, so you have to grow a bit of cynicism in order to see how it relates to everyday situations. i think getting older/wiser/more mature means being able to bring a considered approach to assessing how things look, rather than punctuating a train of thought with, "that's a stupid idea," or, "that's a brilliant idea (for no reason at all)". hah - cynicism in order to keep an open mind, i guess.

so this is me at a ripe old(er) age of 27 and a half.

now get off my lawn.